By reading this newsletter, you agree that Uncle John is not a licensed financial advisor, a certified psychic, or legally allowed inside 500 feet of a industrial sportsbook in the state of Nevada. While the rest of the world is getting blinded by Oregon’s uniform combinations, Uncle John is staring at the one Greatest DOUBLE-DIGIT Gift FROM THE SPORTSBOOK GODS SINCE High ROLLERS Started FLYING TO NEVADA. UCLA is going to smash Oregon within the mouth, chew up the clock, keep Oregon’s offense on the pine, and management each single second of this game! Stay organized and keep observe of your sports bets with this comprehensive Sports Betting Log Book. Please wager responsibly (and keep your hands out of the particular bingo fund). Im grabbing three marionberry BBQ sandwiches and crawling out by means of the ductwork. I broke into Autzen Stadium via a loose turnstile at 3:00 AM because the fits in Las Vegas suppose they can trick the working man with shiny yellow pants and dwelling-field noise! RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER! Im grabbing six pulled pork sandwiches, wrapping my boots in yellow duct tape, and slipping out behind the Crimson Lights! I am at present carrying a wool crimson houndstooth hat, four layers of yellow duct-taped rain gear, and hiding behind a stack of empty galvis-sized cups.
Dictated via a compromised SEC radio receiver while disguised as a 300-pound slice of Dreamland BBQ ribs inside a sales space on the Houndstooth Sports Bar. Disclaimer: All content material, houndstooth attire, and campus antics are strictly satirical, written for entertainment and sports handicapping humor. Disclaimer: All content, costume antics, and campus escapades are strictly satirical, written for entertainment and sports handicapping humor. Disclaimer: All content, religious costumes, and cathedral escapades are fully satirical, written strictly in jest for leisure and sports activities handicapping humor. Are you continue to keeping track of your weekend wagers in your head, on loose scraps of paper, or in a messy cellphone notice? My sequence games spread guess misplaced and i took a 1-1 (recreation three & game 5) and turned it into a 0-1. Plus my series bets typically were dangerous.. They sit up of their marble towers considering they will grasp a 38.5-level unfold on Notre Dame and frighten the flock into betting on a beat-up Stanford squad that could not cowl a sofa with a bedsheet! They’re marching straight right into a Notre Dame defense that holds teams to 2.0 YARDS PER CARRY and a suffocating 11.Eight Factors PER Recreation! Even if you do not observe this thread man you gotta read that Notre Dame write-up. They dont even know what the word means! It’s pure, bone-crushing, stadium-shaking White-Out football weather-that means 110,000 lunatic Penn Staters in head-to-toe white making a lot noise that USCs quarterback won’t even be in a position to listen to his personal ideas!
If Oregon turns it over even once, UCLA runs away with this straight up! When two elite defenses stack 9 men in the box on each single play, drive development turns right into a 3-yards-and-a-cloud-of-mud slogfest! Georgia’s defense holds groups to 0.241 points per play, and Alabama’s defense stifles third downs at a 27.5% conversion price! UNCs protection is giving up points like a damaged ATM. UNCs protection goes to get absolutely shredded like pulled pork, and their offense-with B. Hall averaging a large 6.5 yards per carry-is going to punch back as a result of Pitts defense loves drawing flags and giving up free yardage! That baking heat is going to act like a magnifying glass on Oklahoma’s damaged, injured front seven, melting them down like an affordable ice cream cone by the third quarter! Dictated by way of a stolen walkie-talkie whereas disguised as a 400-pound slice of Death by Chocolate ice cream contained in the Berkey Creamery. Dictated by way of a stolen walkie-talkie while crouched behind the counter at an unmanned Autzen Stadium concession stand, at the moment surrounded by 300 unsold Prince Puckler’s ice cream sandwiches and a large vat of lukewarm Mo’s Clam Chowder. I hear safety guards shouting near the ice cream tubs. I hear safety flashlight beams on the sector wall.
They are ducking beneath their mahogany desks, sweating through their $3,000 Italian fits, sending armed safety to my location because UNCLE JOHN IS ABOUT To interrupt THE Bank AND Leave THE BOOKIES Wearing BARREL SUSPENDERS! Dictated however not read by Uncle John from the backseat of a shifting 2004 Pontiac Sunfire parked straight contained in the drive-through lane of an abandoned Waffle House somewhere exterior Texarkana. If this bet loses, you officially do not know who Uncle John is, we now have never spoken, and this publication was a hallucination caused by dangerous fuel station sushi. Stanfords offensive line could not block a draft underneath a door-they average a pathetic 2.9 yards per rush and have two beginning guards listed as broken-down messes! Texas hasn’t simply been winning currently; they have been treating Oklahoma like a regional highschool JV workforce! We’re looking at partly sunny skies and a excessive of 59F in Eugene come game time, with a negligible 5% likelihood of rain and a gentle 6 mph breeze. And test the skies over Dallas, boys! And examine the skies, boys!
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